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26-Feb-2017 13:25

Six months after my then-boyfriend and I became “Facebook Official,” he was on a flight back to Japan. While he was studying abroad in America we met and fell in love… I followed him to Japan, doing a year study abroad in Japan.

only to have my heart ripped out when he returned home. But before we said “I do,” we had almost two years of long distance, trying desperately to make it work. But, as luck would have it, I ended up at a school 10.5 hours away, by an overnight bus.

[side note: I have several friends in successful and long term long-distance relationships that have “friends with benefits” at their school. However, I know couples that say ‘kissing doesn’t count as cheating’ or ‘my boyfriend can have sex with whoever he wants, just as long as he stays emotionally faithful to me.’ Each couple has a unique way to make it work.] I hate sleeping alone.

That cold, empty bed is the most obvious (and aching) sign of the distance.

I’ve had friends who have done long distance for two years, then suddenly break up. But it keeps our long distance relationship going strong.

One of them was in the wake of a family accident, another was when I got stranded at the train station with no money and no way to get back home, another was when my bike got sideswiped by a car. I called furiously, crying, and wasn’t able to reach him.

And even when I was able to reach him, he could only comfort me with words. When you are in a relationship, you will need your significant other there when you fail a class, get in an accident, have a family crisis, or just a ‘normal’ mental breakdown.

Even if you Skype two hours a day, send each other snail mail letters every week, and watch movies together once a month – you need physical contact. I stopped going to parties a couple months into our long-distance relationship. You can’t fill up your schedule too much because you still need to be there for your significant other.

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You need to be able to see them on a fairly regular basis. It wasn’t an issue of trust – he trusted me, he just didn’t like me going. Going to parties alone (even with a group of friends) means you are going to be hit on, you will end up dancing alone, and you will miss your significant other even more. Spending too much time with you friends (especially of the opposite sex) can easily lead to jealousy and trust issues.

I’ve had friends who have only done long distance for a couple months, but during the long-distance they give up opportunities so they can stay together. I had a friend who was dating her boyfriend from back home. I had friends who gave up their top choice of school because it was out of the country; they gave up internship opportunities because they wanted to go home during summer break and see their girlfriend. There is nothing wrong with giving up opportunities for your significant other. [For more, check out: Don’t Blame the Distance – 6 Tips for Skyping During a Long Distance Relationship] You can’t be afraid to voice your fears to your significant other. It is awkward, uncomfortable, and difficult for both parties.



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